Here’s What People Actually Do When They Masturbate

BuzzFeed asked people exactly what they do when they masturbate. Here are their open, honest, and very creative answers.

There’s no instruction manual for masturbation, and even if there was, we’re pretty sure people would go down an ~unbeaten~ path anyway (sorry). Since it’s a private activity, people are free to be as creative and weird as they want to get themselves off — but have no way of knowing what other people are doing.

In search of answers, BuzzFeed asked people of all ages, genders, and sexualities to describe the nitty-gritty of how they actually masturbate.

Here’s what they said:

1. “I typically start by reading stories on Literotica or maybe I will look up porn on the web (hell, sometimes both). I like to build up to it so I will usually resist touching myself down there until I’m soaked. Then once I can’t take it anymore, I’ll start using a dildo or vibrator or my fingers (or a mix of the three). Usually slow and steady at first, then sped up to go along with what I’m reading or watching.” —25/F/Straight

2. “I sit with my legs folded underneath me with my ankles crossed. I grind myself onto the heel of my foot. It leaves my hands available for stimulating other areas.”

3. “Instead of gripping it and jerking like most guys, I lay my penis flat on my belly and rub it until I cum. Almost like rolling dough into a breadstick shape.” —24/M/Gay

4. “I have a plethora of toys. This last time, I was taking a bath and decided to give myself the ultimate pampering. I suction cupped a dildo to the side of the tub and used a vibe to stimulate my clit. A+”—23/F/Bisexual

5. “I usually just get down and dirty. I start by piling on the blankets so my roommates won’t hear. Then I use an electric toothbrush (that is not ever in my mouth) on my clit while watching porn. Sometimes lesbian, sometimes college party scene, sometimes public bondage stuff. Always incognito on Google Chrome.”—21/F/I don’t discriminate

6. “When I feel like masturbating, I’ll usually pull up a porn site or a cam site and watch that to get myself hard. Many times I’ll just go to a video I’ve watched dozens of times or I’ll just think about one of my partners. “Since I’m alone, there’s no reason to keep my mess-aversion in check, so many times I just stand over the toilet bowl while I jack my penis vigorously. To put me over the edge, I typically think of one of my partners doing something they enjoy (like anal, or being tied up, or double-penetrated). That usually works, and I ejaculate into the toilet bowl or into tissues so that I can easily dispose of the mess. I wipe away the last little drop of ejaculate from the end of my penis, flush the toilet, and move on with my day.”—30/Non-binary/Pansexual

7. “I get hand lotion, mix it with some petroleum jelly, and put it in a plastic baggie. I put the baggie on my cock and wank for five minutes. I stop, and wait to get a little harder, then wank til I cum.” —29/M/Straight

8. “I get my adrenaline pumping by blasting some Kanye, Nicki, or Hamilton, usually ‘My Shot,’ or if I’m looking for something more upbeat ‘The Schuyler Sisters,’ and do a quick workout. After that, I grab some lube, head over to Tumblr to find some free porn that won’t pose risk of viruses like most porn sites, and beat the meat. #NotThrowingAwayMyShots—23/M/Straight

9. “Sometimes I like to masturbate in the stalls of a busy bathroom at my university. There is something thrilling about the possibility of someone knowing what I am doing, so it is fun to do it when the bathroom is really busy. There are even tallies in some stalls for fellow anonymous masturbators to keep track of how often we cum there.”—23/M/Straight

10. “I usually masturbate while watching porn, and occasionally while reading some good femslash fan fiction. I put headphones on and, if I’m in a patient mood, search for new porn. But my tastes are pretty specific and this is hard, so I usually revert back to the old ones I know will work. I am gay and like women and enjoy watching lesbian porn, but for some reason straight porn, especially blow jobs, is what really gets me off. I put my laptop next to me and use my vibrator under the covers so my roommates don’t hear. I start low and increase the strength as I get more turned on. I try to wait until a good part before letting myself finish. Then I shut my computer and finish again by grinding on a pillow.”—23/F/Gay

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